THESE WORKS HAVE RISEN OUT OF AN ATTEMPT TO REPRESENT AND ILLUSTRATE AN IDEA. THIS IDEA WAS MODIFIED BECAUSE CREATING THE WORK WAS A PROCESS AND DURING THIS PROCESS I LEARNED NEW THINGS. THESE THINGS WERE MODIFIED BECAUSE THEY WERE PERISHABLE. A LOT OF FOOD WAS EATEN AND THROWN AWAY DURING THIS TIME, NOT ALWAYS IN A THOUGHTFUL WAY. I HAD TO FIND DIFFERENT WAYS. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SOME OF THE THINGS IN THIS SECTION. A SECTION OF THIS MATERIAL IS OUTDATED. ALL DATES WRITTEN HERE ARE ACCURATE AND SO ARE THE NAMES OF ALL PROFESSIONALS INVOLVED. THE INVOLVEMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE WAS NOT ALWAYS WELCOME FROM MY SIDE. A SIDE OF MY BODY HAS REMAINED MORE TENSE AND SHORTENED IN COMPARISON TO THE OTHER. IS THERE ANOTHER WAY? THIS IS ALREADY ANOTHER WAY OF OBJECTIVELY WRITING ABOUT SOMETHING. SOMETHING IS SNIFFY HERE. HERE AND FROM NOW ON I WILL DEDICATE MYSELF TO BEING MORE OBJECTIVE. MY OBJECTIVE IS CURATING A VERSION OF MYSELF THAT FITS WITHIN A CAPITALIST SYSTEM BECAUSE BESIDES BEING AN ARTIST I NEED TO PAY MY RENT. I RENT MY BODY TO AUDIENCE MEMBERS BUT I DO IT GLADLY. I’M NOT SURE I WILL EVER WIN A GLAAD AWARD. THE BIGGEST AWARD I EVER RECEIVED FOR THESE CREATIONS SO FAR HAS BEEN THE RECOGNITION OF SOME PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD BRILLIANT CAREERS AND WHOSE WORK I ADMIRE AND THAT TOLD ME I CAN POSSIBLY BE DOING SOMETHING REMOTELY ORIGINAL. THERE IS AN ORIGINAL WAY OF CREATING SOMETHING BUT I’M NOT SURE ONE CAN BE AWARE OF IT WHEN THEY GO BY THIS WAY, BUT SOMETIMES I THINK (AND HAVE HEARD THAT) WHEN ONE IS AN ORIGINAL CREATOR, ONE IS AWARE OF THAT, WHICH DOES NOT MEAN ONE IS ARROGANT. IT TAKES ARROGANCE TO THINK YOU HAVE SOMETHING RELEVANT TO SAY (I’M NOT SURE OF THIS). THIS IS A GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO DECLARE YOUR EXISTENCE IN THIS PLANET (HAVING A WEBSITE). THIS IS A WEBSITE THAT I CREATED MYSELF. MY SELF IS QUESTIONABLE BUT I AM OK WITH IT. BEING OK WITH SOME THINGS IS AN IMPORTANT ABILITY AND SO IS NOT BEING OK WITH OTHER ONES. NOT EVERYBODY IS ABLE TO NOT BE HAPPY BECAUSE IT IS EXHAUSTING TO PAY ATTENTION. ATTENTION TO DETAIL IS AN OVERUSED PHRASE WHEN PEOPLE WANT TO SAY THEIR WORK IS SOPHISTICATED. SOPHISTICATED IS ALSO OVERUSED, ESPECIALLY IN CONTEMPORARY BALLET, DECLAREDLY TO EXPRESS THAT THERE’S SPECIFICITY TO THE WORK, BUT SOMETIMES IT ACTUALLY MEANS THAT IT IS IMPORTANT TO HAVE AN ELITIST AESTHETIC. I FEAR HOW AN ELITE WILL SEE MY WORK AND I MUST FEAR IT BECAUSE I NEED MONEY TO LIVE AND THEY ARE THE PEOPLE WHO GIVE AWAY MONEY. MONEY IS SOMETHING IMPORTANT. THE IMPORTANCE OF SOME THINGS IS GIVEN, WITHOUT ONE HAVING THE CHANCE TO CHOOSE UPON IT. I HAVE HAD SOME CHOICES TO MAKE IN MY LIFE. MY LIFE HAS BEEN EXHAUSTING AND I’M SURE EVERYBODY RELATES. I WANT TO FOCUS ON MAKING RELATABLE WORKS BECAUSE IT’S DIFFICULT TO COUNT ON PEOPLE’S EMPATHETIC RESPONSE TOWARDS SOMETHING THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM. I HAVE USED SOME VERY BIG WORDS IN THE CONCEPTS OF MY WORKS, I PROBABLY SOUND LIKE A TEENAGER. IS THERE A CONCEPT TO ANY OF THIS ART-MAKING THAT WE DO OR AM I JUST PUTTING OUT A BRAINSTORM IN A WAY THAT I ASSUME IS MINIMALLY ORGANIZED? PEOPLE SHOULD BE GRANTED THE MINIMUM. GRANTS ARE DIFFICULT TO GET BECAUSE IT’S DIFFICULT TO CONVINCE MONEY GIVERS OF THE VALUE OF SOMETHING I AM NOT ABLE TO DEFINE. IF I MAKE DANCE FILMS I NEED IT TO BE IN VERY HIGH DEFINITION. SOMETIMES I LOOK LIKE I’M HIGH, BUT I’M JUST EXCITED. I’M EXCITED FOR PEOPLE TO SEE MY WORK. I WORKED ON THIS. THIS IS A BORING MOMENT, I WISH I COULD GO CLUBBING. I NEVER REALLY WENT CLUBBING BECAUSE I WAS BUSY AND ANXIOUS ABOUT OTHER THINGS. THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING ELSE. THERE IS SOMETHING I’M ABOUT TO GET TO KNOW AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS! WHAT IS IT THAT MAKES US KEEP TRYING FOR SOMETHING THAT IS IMPORTANT FOR US AND SO DIFFICULT TO GET? GET WITH THE PROGRAM. I THINK IT’S IMPORTANT FOR A PROGRAM TO HAVE A BEGINNING MIDDLE AND END, BECAUSE PEOPLE NEED A SENSE OF COMPLETION AND I THINK THIS IS OK. I’M OK ALWAYS COMPARING TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE AT WAR. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DIFFICULTIES IN OTHER PEOPLE’S LIVES AND IT IS A LEARNING PROCESS TO BECOME AWARE OF THIS. I HAVE USED THE WORD AWARENESS SINCE EVER IN MY WORKS AND I FEAR SUCH AN IMPORTANT CONCEPT WILL BECOME OVERUSED. I WISH PEOPLE WOULD OVERUSE PLASTIC BEFORE THROWING IT AWAY. I CANNOT BELIEVE PEOPLE PRODUCE ANYTHING IN THIS PLANET FOR SINGLE USE. I CAN’T BELIEVE SINGLE USE IS EVEN AN EXISTING CONCEPT. THERE IS A CONCEPT ABOUT SOMETHING THAT EXISTS IN EVERY PERSON’S HEAD AT SOME POINT BECAUSE OF SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO THEM AT A GIVEN CIRCUMSTANCE. I DON’T KNOW IF PEOPLE BECAME MORE AND MORE UNFAMILIAR WITH THE CONCEPT OF CIRCUMSTANCE AND FORGOT ABOUT IT, OR IF THEY ARE AWARE OF IT BUT CHOOSE TO IGNORE ITS EXISTENCE. I THINK PEOPLE IGNORE THE EXISTENCE OF SOME THINGS. I THINK IGNORANT PEOPLE CAN BE VERY HAPPY BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT ABLE TO WORRY. I WORRY THAT I MIGHT LOSE STAMINA AND GIVE UP DOING ANY OF THIS. SOMETIMES I GIVE UP TRYING TO EAT WELL, WHEN I NEED TO FEEL DESTRUCTIVE FOR SOME REASON I DON’T UNDERSTAND YET. I UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE CONFLICTIVE NEEDS. I NEED WATER VERY OFTEN. OFTEN IS AN UNSPECIFIC WORD HUMANS USE TO SPARE TIME. TIME WILL TELL IF WE WILL BE HERE LONG ENOUGH FOR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN. I HAPPEN TO HAVE NEVER SMOKED A CIGARETTE. A CIGARETTE IS VERY CHEAP, AND SO IS A GARMENT AND A PIECE OF MEAT. THE MEAT IN MY BODY IS STILL HERE, DESPITE MY INSECURITY. I AM INSECURE ABOUT MY LOOK. I LOOK AT YOUTH AND FEEL ANNOYED. PEOPLE FIND IT ANNOYING TO BE GIVEN A REALISTIC PERSPECTIVE WHEN THEY VISUALIZE THEIR DREAMS. IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO PORTRAY A DREAM ONSTAGE, BECAUSE I CAN’T ACCESS THE FANTASY IN A SUBCONSCIOUS MIND THROUGH CONSCIOUS WAYS. MAYBE I SHOULD TRY DRUGS, IF I HAVE SOMEONE’S ASSISTANCE AND KNOW THE PIECE WILL HAVE A DECENT REACH FOR ME TO ENDURE THIS? MY ENDURANCE IS NOT THE SAME - NOR PHYSICAL NOR EMOTIONAL. I AM VERY OFTEN ABSOLUTELY FED UP WITH BITCHES ON EVERY CORNER. PEOPLE CAN HONESTLY BE VERY FUCKING DISGUSTING. IT IS DISGUSTING TO REMOVE THE LITTLE PIECES OF FOOD THAT FIND THEIR WAY INSIDE THE SINK. I NEED TO SHOW A HUMAN BEING SINKING IN ONSTAGE, I BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF A HEROIC VERTICAL FIGURE FALLING DOWN. I AM IN LOVE WITH THE IMAGE OF PEOPLE FALLING. IMAGINE THIS FOR A SECOND. SECOND PLACE WOULD BE VERY MUCH ENOUGH FOR ME - ACTUALLY NOT, I DO NOT WANT TO COMPETE WITH ANYBODY, I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO LOOK AT MY WORK AND TELL ME IT IS REMOTELY RELEVANT AND USEFUL. I USE A FORK FOR MY VERY BASIC NEEDS. THE BASIC OVERVIEW OF MY CATALOGUE IS: CONFUSION. THESE ARE CONFUSING TIMES - IS ANYONE CERTAIN OF SOMETHING? ARE THERE CONCEPTS ABOUT WHICH WE SHOULD BE CERTAIN? WHAT IS ABSOLUTE? WHAT IS ABSOLUTELY PRECISE IN OUR UNIVERSES? I MIGHT WRITE VERSES ABOUT THIS PERIOD IN MY LIFE, IF I CAN GET MYSELF TO BE DISCIPLINED SOMEHOW. A CREATIVE ARTIST NEEDS THEIR PERSONAL TIMING TO UNLEASH THEIR CREATIVITY - HOW TO COMBINE THIS WITH THE NEED FOR DISCIPLINE, A ROUTINE? CAN I BE A GOOD BOY AND FOLLOW A SCHEDULE AND ALSO BE A BAD BOY AS A CREATOR? A THEATRE DIRECTOR TOLD ME ONCE THAT I NEED TO UNLEASH THE BAD BOY IN ME TO BECOME FULLY REALIZED AS A CREATIVE ARTIST - I AGREE. I DON’T KNOW IF I’LL HAVE THE COURAGE TO DO SO. I PREACH THAT PEOPLE NEED COURAGE TO LEARN SOMETHING, I THINK I HAVE IT, I MUST SAY. NOT ALWAYS PROBABLY, BUT I’M STILL HUMAN. I SHOULD REVIEW/LEARN EVENTUALLY WHAT HUMANISM MEANS, ALL OF THE ISMS, I WON’T MANAGE ALL OF THEM, BUT I SHOULD EDUCATE MYSELF MORE ON ACADEMIC CULTURE AND DEVELOP AN ABILITY TO FOCUS ON DOGMATIC INFORMATION. EVERY TIME I LOOK AT THIS PLANT IN MY HOUSE, IT IS IN SILENCE.